Play the game
Play the game
No one knows the lay of the single land better than this man here. I go by ‘Galway Player’. I'm kinda like the Will Smith character in the movie ‘Hitch’, who helps men woo women, except the closest I've ever come to scoring Eva Mendes was a foreign exchange student from Chile doing a semester in NUI Galway.
Many of you will know me, but my identity is irrelevant. I have spent countless nights out honing my skills in the clubs and pubs and fast food joints of our fair city. And now I'm here to share the love. You may not like what you hear, but neither did Liverpool fans when I told them Andy Carroll was a shocking waste of money and look how that turned out.
Watch all the romantic comedies you want, read all the magazines on the shelves, but if you want to know the truth about dating in Galway I'm here to tell it like it is: It is a game - end of story.
Like any other game, there are rules and there are players, there are winners (me) and losers (nice guys).
For this article I'm going to dispel some common myths. Number one: Girls like nice guys. They don’t! Go into any cafe or restaurant in town over the weekend and listen to one of the many groups of frustrated ladies bemoaning the lack of nice guys in Galway. But, nice guys are
doormats and women very quickly get bored of that nonsense. They want a real man, a challenge who will keep them on their toes.
Number two: Treat girls with respect. This is another terrible lesson beaten into the young lads by their mammies. How often have we seen minnows in sport show too much respect to their opponents and end up getting a hammering? Lads, cop on. Women need an alpha male; they want to feel safe and secure. Make fun of their driving and general knowledge instead.
Number three: be yourself. Bullcrap! Being yourself is a more sure-fire way to turn a woman off than saying you are from Roscommon. Create a character. This may seem strange but it keeps things fresh, especially if, like me, you are scoring all the time. Tell them what they want to hear. For example, if she's a homely bird, tell them about your summer doing charity work in Africa. Be a GAA head for country birds, Rugby head for city birds. I personally find teachers particularly susceptible to my various personas, just agree with how tough teaching is and your in.
And remember folks, don’t hate the Galway Player, hate the Galway Game. Questions via my Twitter account @galwayplayer or via e-mail on firstname.lastname@example.org.